I started a gratitude journal my junior year in college. This practice was really an act of self-preservation more than actual gratitude. At the time my parents were divorcing. Recently returned from a semester abroad, I was living in a sophomore dorm at the other end of campus in a single room by myself. I was lonely, tired, frustrated, so very sorrowful, and so very very angry. It was not the best situation.

Upon my return to campus, I read this book I found at our house over the holidays called “God on a Harley” by Joan Brady. I lost the book and have never found it again. Maybe, like the angel in the story, it appeared when I needed it and has moved on to help someone else? I recently found there is a 25th anniversary edition in print on Amazon. It doesn’t matter. The book inspired me to start a gratitude journal, so I did.

I bought a sweet little paper journal with a magnolia on the front. Inside, every day, I wrote down three things for which I was thankful. Believe it or not, in all of my first world unhappiness, there were times I couldn’t think of three things. A list maker by temperament, my gratitude journal looked like a series of lists.

Today I’m thankful for:

• I don’t have to walk up the hill to do laundry
• I got the last plain bagel at my eating house for breakfast
• My boyfriend said he loved me

Today I’m thankful for:

• My paper isn’t due til Friday
• I have a dress for Saturday
• Dial-up worked and I didn’t have to walk to the library to check email

And then there were the hard days:

• I decided not to
• I ate a whole bag of hershey kisses and didn’t throw up
• I am breathing

I don’t have this journal anymore. I think I may even have burned it at some point. Regardless, that semester I began what has become a life long journey of gratitude. I have had many gratitude journals over the years. Sometimes I make lists in notebooks. Sometimes I make Facebook status updates. Sometimes I just sit with myself and have a conversation about my life. Sometimes I spend a portion of my prayer time making lists of thanks (P.S. This will change the attitude of your prayer in that very moment.).

The great thing about gratitude is that it meets you where you are. Much like forgiveness, gratitude is more for you than for the other person. Start with plain bagels and extra underwear . With time and practice you’ll move to clean air, heat for my home, and money for medicine. You may even move into a state of gratitude. A state of gratitude is fluid, but when you can stay in it, the world becomes the best place to be. Gratitude stops a downward spiral before it stops and it shows up to help you slog your way out of the pit back into the light when the spiral proved harder than you thought.

Even today in our messy existence and just plain meanness, gratitude can alter our perspective and help us reorient towards a more purposeful response to the ugliness of the world. Yes it is easier to be grateful when things are going well, but it is just as important to be grateful when things are awful too.

• I’m thankful I didn’t respond badly.
• I’m thankful that I am only responsible for my reactions.
• I’m thankful no one ever treated me so badly that I forgot how to be human.
• I’m grateful for the opportunity to help someone.
• I’m grateful I can walk away from this moment.
• I’m grateful that my faith is strong enough to see me through this particular awfulness.
• I’m thankful for the chance to see the person in front of me, not their problem.

When I think of my lifelong faith journey, I think of how gratitude helps me find my way through forgiveness and sorrow and pain into joy and peace and love. Gratitude is not a static moment. It is a state of being. Gratitude can be messy, but it is an essential piece of living a full life. Be grateful friends. Sit with it. Find your path. Find your gratitude and you will find the strength to move forward every time. I promise.

Love Y’all, Marla