Marla's Alphabet Soup

Many many moons ago in college I majored in political science. One of my first courses was Feminist Politics. It was an eye opening experience and quite an education about the intricacies of equality and equity for women. I saved my political theory requirement for my senior year. The course was a seminar called Justice and the Welfare State. I learned how difficult it was to put philosophical and theoretical beliefs into practice when faced with the limitations of people and systems. While I am certain these particular political science courses have changed and evolved over time. I am also certain that young not-yet-tax paying twenty-somethings at any institution of higher learning are full of idealism and emotion when wrestling with the greater good and the human condition. I am a middle-aged mother of two, 26 years post undergrad and I still wrestle with the greater good and the human condition.

What does any of this have to do with equity? More than any other courses, these two classes had the greatest impact on my understanding and definition of equity. I thought this prologue helpful to appreciate my arm chair musings on the topic.

************************

Recently listening to a soundbite of a stump speech by Kamala Harris, I was alarmed to hear her say that equity means we want everyone to end up in the same place. Surely she misspoke. I went back and reviewed the extended clips of her speeches. While she never corrected herself, I am fairly certain she meant she wants us all to end up starting at the same place.

Ms. Harris also likened getting ahead in life to a baseball game, explaining that everyone doesn’t start on the same base. Actually, in baseball, if you are in the batting lineup for that game, you get an at bat. Sometimes you strike out and sometimes you hit a homerun. Sometimes the guy in front of you makes the last out so you have to wait until the next inning to get your turn. Just saying.

Perhaps what was meant to be said was, we believe the purpose of equity is to provide necessary support so that access to a successful future is more fair. I really hope so, but I’d like further clarification from the Harris campaign team.

What a person does with appropriate access to the playing field (if you will) cannot be controlled in a free society. Ergo, final outcomes will be different for everyone. The debate about what access to the playing field means is the real conversation about equity. Once upon a time, “all men are created free and equal” upset the apple cart so much so that a new nation was created. Ofcourse “all men” meant white, former European protestants with property and a penis. This country has spent its lifetime broadening the definition of “all men” to mean “all people regardless of sex, race, religion, or national origin. The discussion continues every day.

The United States has tried many forms of equity over the generations—public school, medicaid/CHIP, affirmative action, FMLA, the GI Bill, the post 9/11 GI Bill. Some of these programs worked well and others not so much. All of our current systems are in need of an overhaul. What was designed to work in the 1950s, 80s, or even 2010s does not work so well in 2024. There are serious limitations on the implementation of any policy in a country of our size. Our population is not the same. Our needs are not the same. Systems by nature are designed to be rigid and broadly based in statistical data. There is little room for the characteristics that create differences in people. Governing with any sort of fairness in a country as large and diverse as ours is a challenging, mind boggling undertaking.

There is also the elephant in the room: an unfortunate by-product of equity implementation is us-versus-them thinking. The intersection between what we want for “other”people, what we want for ourselves, and the reality of life is not a neat Venn diagram. It’s more like a wreck in a Nascar race that takes out over half of the drivers. Even with policies meant to level the playing field, variables such as nepotism, optics, likeability, reputation, and plain old fashioned luck cannot be factored out of the equation. The only constant in these types of variables is that they are always present. Now add in the existential concept of what is “enough”. How do we ever define the greater good in a way that is palatable for the majority of Americans?

On page 13 of the Tax Foundation’s Special Report, an article entitled, “The Distribution of Tax and Spending Policies in the United States” from November 2013 Gerald Prante and Scott Hodge write:

“Federal tax and spending policies drive most of the redistribution in America today. The lowest-income families receive $8.13 in federal spending for every $1 dollar they pay in federal taxes. Middle-income families receive $1.57 in federal spending for every $1 they pay in federal taxes. However, high-income families receive $0.25 cents in federal spending for every $1 they pay in federal taxes.

https://files.taxfoundation.org/legacy/docs/SR211.pdf

This was ten years ago! I’m curious what the 2024 data will say.

According to the Distribution of Household Income Report for 2019 published by the Congressional Budget Office (CBO) on November 15, 2022:

“Households in the highest income quintile paid more than two-thirds of all federal income taxes in 2019.”

https://www.cbo.gov/publication/58781

This was five years ago. The top 20% of all income earners paid for 67+% of the country. The diversity and income variation of the top 20% is far greater than one may think. Even among the top 1%, the incomes of the earner at the bottom of that one percent and Warren Buffet or Elon Musk for example are vastly different. I think this is worth mentioning as 1% percenters are lumped together frequently and given a bad rap.

I am not making policy suggestions dear readers. Some form of income redistribution is the only way to make the world work. I am merely thinking out loud and wondering. What is fair? What is enough? What is right? How far do we take the greater good? And who decides? These are not easy questions. Quantifying values statements is messy and emotionally charged.

What we don’t need is more inter- or intra- political party rhetoric. I am all for civil discourse, spirited debate, and displays of passion in the heat of the moment. But the constant railing against the opposition is tiresome and unproductive.

I’ll close with another of my favorite West Wing scenes from 2000-2001. In season two, character Sam Seaborn addresses two political players in his own party:

“Henry, last fall, every time your boss got on the stump and said, “It’s time for the rich to pay their fair share,” I hid under a couch and changed my name. I left Gage Whitney making $400,000 a year, which means I paid 27 times the national average in income tax. I paid my fair share, and the fair share of 26 other people. And I’m happy to, ’cause that’s the only way it’s gonna work. And it’s in my best interest that everybody be able to go to schools and drive on roads. But I don’t get 27 votes on Election Day. The fire department doesn’t come to my house 27 times faster and the water doesn’t come out of my faucet 27 times hotter. The top one percent of wage earners in this country pay for 22 percent of this country. Let’s not call them names while they’re doing it, is all I’m saying.”

You can catch the clip here: https://youtu.be/8nzeJrXFttg?si=wB47fQLb2W6bhW29

I’ll keep thinking and wondering and searching for answers. I hope you will too. I still have faith in us (and also U.S. 😉).

Love y’all, Marla

Back during COVID I wrote out a prayer for all of us—moms, dads, teachers, kids—about returning to school amidst all the uncertainty of a pandemic. It was a crazy time. None of us knew the day to day much less the week to week plans.

Rereading it I realized, the prayer hasn’t changed. New school. New year. New kids. New room. New program, whatever. Every year is just as different.

So to my friends beginning tomorrow, I salute you. To those already back, I’m sorry that your school district feels the need to kill your joy on August 1st. For those of us beginning next week, I’m right there with you. I’m sending one back to college halfway across the country and one starting junior year with all the college testing and AP anxiety included. We will persevere.

Love y’all so big, Marla

Dear God,
I lit my citronella candle to call the Holy Spirit this evening. You and Jesus and apostle Paul understand mosquitoes. Send us your Holy Spirit, Lord. Fill us with wisdom, discernment, compassion, kindness.
Whether we send our kids to school or keep them home with us, fill us with grace to say, “be at peace with your choice mom and dad.”
Whether we go back into the classroom or online as educators, protect our bodies and connect our minds from six feet or sixty miles.
Whether we drop babies off at daycare with fear or with relief, be gentle with parents and caregivers. It’s a hard thing to do any day.
Help us to remember always, the wisest words Glennon ever spoke, “there is no such thing as other people’s children.”
Protect my boys and protect all children everywhere. Convict us to reach out and stand in the waves for parents when they cannot. Bless mothers and fathers everywhere. Our children are your precious gift. You entrust them to our care. Send help to us when we cannot care for them. Grant us the wisdom to accept that help when it comes.
We are all your children God, all of us. Every single person we dislike or with whom we disagree. Every single person who wears a mask or doesn’t. Every single soul on this earth is yours God. Send the Holy Spirit Lord, send Help.
Awaken in us the inner strength we need to offer mercy and love to one another, because there is no such thing as other people’s children.
Amen.

Most of my good friends know I have a deep love of the television show, “The West Wing”. It’s brilliant, funny, thoughtful, hopeful, and smart. Aaron Sorkin crafted an amazing script and the cast for this show was second to none. Watch it. You won’t be disappointed, and if you are, well, we can still be friends.

In light of the upcoming election in less than 100 days, I’d like to post the script from one of my favorite episodes of WW here (see it below). I have tried and tried to find the video clip, but I am not nearly as internet savvy as I hoped and then I got tired of searching. The exchange between characters is an excellent reminder to all of us to a) vote, b) remember where we live, and c) be grateful for the American experiment that is a democratic republic.

Win, Lose, or Draw, we’re still America. So go vote America. Whomever you vote for and whatever the reason, that’s for you to decide. We safe guard free speech and the secret ballot so you can go in there and fill in your bubble, or pull the lever, or whatever you do where you vote. Take care America, I’m rooting for us.

Love Y’all, Marla

West Wing, Season Two, Episode Three, by Aaron Sorkin 

Sam gets off the phone and out of the car and approaches the stoop.

TOBY
What do you have?

SAM
You're not going to believe it.

C.J.
How'd they go?

SAM
Twelve races, in none of them did the incumbent win. In none of them, did
the party that
previously held the seat win. You know how it went? Seven to five.

JOSH
You're kidding.

C.J.
Seven republicans and five democrats?

SAM
Yeah.

JOSH
The house stayed the same?

Everyone looks at each other.

JOSH
After four months and 400 million dollars, everything stayed the same.

SAM
Yup.

JOSH
Tell me democracy doesn't have a sense of humor. We sit here, we drink this
beer out here
on the stoop, in violation about 47 city ordinances. I don't know, Toby,
it's election night.
What do you say about a government that goes out of its way to protect even
citizens that try
to destroy it?

TOBY
God bless America.

SAM
(beat) God bless America.

C.J.
God bless America.

DONNA
God bless America.

JOSH
God bless America.

This is not a political statement—and I would appreciate it if we could keep the comments classy. Whether or not you are a fan of JD Vance, it must be said he has a unique life experience unlike any other American politician. I have not experienced these particular life challenges personally. I do however recognize them. As an educator in urban America and a former student in blue collar rural America, I have seen the words on these pages play out time and again.

If you don’t have time to read the whole book, chapter 15 is likely the most insightful. Pages 246-247 below jump out at me. Regardless of the outcome of this election, we must do something for our children. Their knee jerk responses to events and lack of positive decision making as emerging adults is directly related to what we have modeled for them. While we cannot change the family structures of the youth in our lives we can be present as a supportive adult. We can be present as a positive role model. We can be mindful of how and when we speak and always speak in love.

Love y’all, Marla

Lazy lake days are my favorite. After a rainy Saturday, yesterday was a glorious day. The sun came up and shined through my windows. The coffee/tea was hot, the beer/rose’ was cold, and we had a full tank of gas.

We took a ride on the lake and stopped for a picnic lunch at our new favorite rock. It took some gymnastics, but we sat on top of the rock and had our picnic. We got back just in time for the daily summer thunderstorm.

We took a nap while it rained. We looked like old porch dogs—one sprawled on the glider, one laid out on the couch.

Then we sat on our dock looking out at the mountains until sunset. So peaceful.

My husband said, I feel like we’re dating again—except this time we’re married. I chuckled, but then I thought, what a nice sentiment. I feel the same way. I think our empty nest is going to be fine when the day actually comes.

I hope you all have a glorious lake day in the coming days! A very Happy Fourth of July to you.

Love Y’all, Marla

For the last ten days my husband and I have been traveling in Portugal. This is a big deal because a) he never takes that many days off of work, b) he literally opened a new office two days before we left, and c) this is our 25th wedding anniversary trip and our anniversary is actually six months from now. We have to stay married for six more months!

My husband, lovingly called the Camp Counselor, is a travel genius. He knows what we like and how to get it and he’s willing to pay for it. A long time ago in another life, a friend made the joke that Andy and I were born 40 years old wearing pressed khakis. Truly, we always seem to be the youngest couple in the crowd of older British people. What can I say? We like nice hotels, quiet resorts, and breakfast. He loves golf and I love tea and scones. They say if the shoe fits?

The thing about traveling is how humble it makes you as a non-native in country whether you are ubering to a five star resort, or hopping a city bus at the gritty train station in search of a hostel. In a foreign country regardless of how hard you try, as an American you stick out as much as that gold embossed navy passport you hold. Wear all black. Have the smallest suitcase ever. Skip the baseball cap. Doesn’t matter. Our features are softer. We smile too much. We walk too confidently. We’re just plain vanilla. And we are at the mercy of multilingual people who are so exasperated with their last encounter with Americans, it’s a miracle we ever get to our destinations.

I’m always so grateful for kind, patient people. I try to be a “good American.” I say please and thank you. I talk alot, but not too loudly. I make an attempt to ask about cultural do’s and don’ts. Luckily iphones and fashion sneakers are en vogue at the moment, so I can take as many pictures as I like and wear tennis shoes without screaming tourist. I try to remember my good fortune and pass it on as often as possible.

The other humbling thing about traveling is how quickly you realize that people are just people and everybody wants the same thing. Almost everyone I meet wants to or feels obligated to take care of their family, have enough to eat, have a place to live, and personal safety. I admit there is a bit of tension for me knowing that while I galavant around on my anniversary trip, people are starving, dying, homeless, and scared. I am grateful that I was born in the US with so many privileges and options. I’ve been more than lucky my whole life.

I am without fail always so ashamed that I only speak English. I do speak a little German, even less Spanish, and maybe know enough American Sign Langauge to sing and sign a preschool song. In Portugal, almost every person speaks English—and doesn’t mind speaking English. Porto and Lisbon and Madeira are all port cities and vacation spots for all types of people and English is as required as the Euro currency. But I’m still embarrassed.

My favorite things about Portugal:

1. The people. Absolutely the friendliest, most helpful, generous, and talkative people in all of Europe!

2. The flowers. Oh my God the flowers. So beautiful, and everywhere! I could not stop talking about the flowers.

3. The wine. The wine was just spectacular. I love red wine in particular. Green wine, (it’s really white in color don’t worry) a specialty, reminded me so much of “new wine” from Austria. Alas, I am not a fan of Port. For me it was a cousin of cough syrup. I don’t know what that says about my palate, but it is what it is.

4. The painted tiles on the walls. Such unique styles. Born of a practical reason to protect buildings and describe their purpose, the painting of tiles was “borrowed” from the Moors. (Cultural appropriation is a universal thing.) The Moors only painted designs and used colors—no figures or faces as this was against their beliefs. The Portugese nobility began using tiles to tell stories as well as decorate their buildings and show status. I found a QR code and website of a local artist in Porto and hope to purchase some tiles for home soon.

5. Pastel de nata. It’s a toss up between breakfast, dessert, and wine for me. Fortunately, one can have pastel de nata for any reason. It’s a yummy tiny custard tart created as by monks and nuns to use up the many egg yolks they had left over from using egg whites to iron and stiffen their veils and habits. It became a well known national dessert!

Must see stops:

• Porto
• Amarante
• Duro Valley
• Nazare
• Obidos
• Sintra
• Madeira

Must see stops for next time:

• Fatima
• The Algarve
• Coimbra
• The Azores

We had a delightful time. I am so glad we decided to go a place neither of us had visited before. It was so much sweeter to discover Portugal together! I can’t wait for what’s next.

Love Y’all, Marla

My boys are gone and I am verklempt. There are always big highlights for your high schooler: driver’s license, graduation, off to college. And we have always sent our boys off on summer trips, or summer camps, or family visits without us. This summer is a little different.

My youngest is an exchange student in Germany for half the summer. Today is his first day of school. It’s all in German. As a former college exchange student and summer worker in a foreign country, I am well aware of the language barrier. Go with God buddy. Anne Lamott’s prayer: Thanks, Help, Wow will come in handy.

My oldest left this morning to be a camp counselor for half the summer. This big kid is going to be responsible for other people’s kids. What? Go with God Owen. I know the camp motto is “I am third.” Show them how it’s done.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, my husband and I are making plans to stay busy so we don’t miss them too much. He has his work of course and his golf. I may have to eat my right hand to keep from texting the boys every day. I took to the bed this past weekend in denial, but I am determined to rally. I am learning to play mahjong and I have joined club pilates. We shall see if it helps. Last night we committed to two date nights a week with the idea of trying as many new or unvisited restaurants in town as we can!

For those who have gone before us, wish us well. For those who are still in the baby weeds, bless you. For those on those blazing hot little league ballfields, I do not miss that at all, but I will toast you with my diet coke from the air conditioned inside.

We chose this. We chose to raise brave, inquisitive, traveling young men with big hearts and open minds. We raised them to launch unafraid. I just hope they remember how to fly back home once in a while. The nest is always open.

Love Y’all, Marla

Today brings out all the feels for alot of people, self included. And I know we are in a season of let’s make sure we don’t celebrate anything that excludes anyone. So if you are feeling excluded today, I love you. You are seen. Just skip this post.

I think of Mother’s like I think about my Birthday. It’s a day for me. Ironically, both days involve my mother, but I don’t really celebrate her on either day. I celebrate me (Ah, just like an ungrateful offspring, yes?).

While I am more than my boys’ mom, being their mother has taken up the lionshare of my life. There is value in receiving homage. My children have a chance to show compulsory gratitude which I will accept as genuine (Insert chuckle here). I also like to celebrate that I am surviving the challenge (Winky face).

Today will be a day to say thank you to my mother-in-law for raising an amazing man for me to spend my life with. I am so happy he is mine and we created a family together.

Today will be a day to toast from afar my sister and sister-in-law who are in the trenches with me. Raising a mimosa to you amazing mammas! I have five nieces. Dear Lord send manna and money.

Today is a day to high five my girlfriends most with kiddos, some without. Regardless, we mother each other with love and affection and opinion and empathy. Before we were our own selves, we were another woman’s daughter—known or unknown, loved or unloved, difficult or easy—and that leaves marks visible and invisible.

Today will be a day that I acknowledge the range of emotions I have over being a daughter and care taker of my own difficult mother.

Mostly I’m going to celebrate me. My boys are both home. My husband is back from his trip. I am generally healthy. The sun is shining. My roses are blooming. I don’t have to do dishes or cook today, although I’ll probably do laundry since tomorrow is a work and school day.

So Happy Mother’s Day to me and I dare to say, Happy Mother’s Day to you world.

Love Y’all, Marla

My oldest (a college freshman) and I had a long chat yesterday about the recent and current campus pro-Palestinians protests. It was an enlightening exchange for me to talk with my son in such an adult manner. We debated the limitations on free speech and discussed different institutions’ responses to student protests.

I also asked him if he thought that students were targeting the correct audience in their calls for divestment. What exactly do students think administrators and professors can do other than speak on their behalf? Few if any will walk away from tenure or a secure job position over a political argument. I doubt college staff will stop contributing to their 401ks and pensions regardless of the mutual fund makeup.

Spotlighting a campus imbroglio on a national level does not attract potential students or their parents which decreases incoming tuition which in turn puts a strain on financial resources these same protesting students depend on—day to day operations like housing, dining, student healthcare. In my experience it is trustee boards, former alumni, boosters, and mega-donors who hold financial power at universities.

Our Congressional leaders are the ones who decide to fund wars, military operations, and foreign aid budgets. Are students calling their offices? Are all the students registered to vote in November? Protesting may satisfy the itch in the short term, but voting is the most certain way to affect change in the long run. Why not march on Washington? Take a page from your mothers’ book—The million mom march on gun control and the pink hats protest of Trump made history in this country. The debate is still out on the effectiveness, but the message was sent.

Why not protest companies that invest in military industry directly?

Why not protest on Wall Street for divestment of Israeli interests?

Have the students asked their own parents or benefactors about the investments that provided the money for these incredibly expensive educations?

I understand that a protest on campus is the quickest, most visible and attainable reaction for students. However, if you truly wish to organize a grassroots protest with meaning, you’re going to have to dig a bit deeper my loves. You have to begin somewhere and I applaud you for beginning. Now it’s time to refine your message, eschew violence, and be open to true dialogue and difference. Use the momentum for good.

You can protest without hate. If you are truly protesting violence against others you must refuse violence in your own words and deeds. If you truly care about liberating the people of Palestine you must work towards their divestment of those who use them as human shields in a centuries old conflict and fill the power vaccuum successfully. It hasn’t happened yet, but that doesn’t mean we stop trying. The world is a messy, messy place full of greater good gray areas and uneasy alliances. Sometimes the best we can hope for is change in one person at a time. It seems small and time consuming and insurmountable, but recognizing our shared humanity—the me in you and the you in me—is the only way forward. It doesn’t ever feel like enough, but changing one life, changes the trajectory of an infinite number of future lives.

Good luck and God speed my darlings.

Love Y’all,

Marla

In the United States, we have compulsory public education for children ages 6-18. Many families are eligible for special education services for their child from ages 3-21 under FAPE (free apprpropriate public education law). Many families are eligible for free preschool through Headstart and Early Headstart and other reduced fee preschools based on income and other requirements. These opportunities vary by state. According to the 2019 census statistics, just over 53 million children attend k-12 school in the United States.

Let’s also remember what our “free” education now provides: nurses, OTs, PTs, SLPs, Guidance counselors, social workers, before and after school care, busing to and from school, free breakfast and lunch to those who qualify.

I do not have a problem with any of this.

Transportation, housing, and food insecurity are immediate concerns for any child. If you have ever tried to teach a tired, hungry child who doesn’t know where they are sleeping tonight, you will not begrudge them a nap in your room, a free bowl of cereal, or two extra hours of aftercare.

The problem is, in the three previous paragraphs on education, I did not mention the words teacher, books, paper, pencils, crayons, computers, libraries. If we are going to provide a social safety net for our children from ages 3-21 and make that the focus of our schools, then teachers have become managers not educators. Somewhere along the line, the idea was sold to us that if we rub enough money on it, provide enough programs for it, and then test the heck out of it, we can take care of everybody and teach the kids too. Public school became a business.

Teaching isn’t a business—teaching is a vocation. Teachers go to college to learn how to teach. They do not go to college to learn how to be de facto social workers, nurses, and surrogate parents.

The average day is half gone before a teacher even starts the mandated 90 minute literacy block because of a special program, a student behavior problem, a fire drill, a late bus, or a lockout because of a stranger on campus. No lunch break. No bathroom break. No planning period because there are no substitutes, classroom assistants, or volunteers. Teachers have to cover each others’ classes. This situation is not teaching—it is managing chaos.We ask teachers to do everything but teach, and then punish them for not showing enough academic growth in their students.

I know you’ve heard the lament before America. Boomers will yak about how they had 35 kids in class and no teacher’s aide and everybody behaved. They “got paddled” and teachers had one teacher work day per report period. Sorry Boomers, those days are gone—if they ever really were as great as you remember. Times they are a changing, and we must change too, but into what?

Public education has morphed into a situation that is not sustainable. I’m shocked it has lasted this long! Every year teachers are asked to do more and more that has less and less to do with actual teaching. However, If COVID taught the United States anything, it taught us that teachers and classrooms are not expendable.

As a society, we need to revisit our definitions of teacher, classroom, school function, and education. What specifically do we want to happen from 7:45 to 3:45 every day? Do you want a teacher who teaches, or a warm body in the classroom? Do you want the teacher to teach your children reading, writing, and arithmetic, or do you want a teacher to babysit, feed your children twice a day, and civilize them? There is a real difference between those two end games.

Teaching is a vocation. We love what we do. We like following new ideas of our students. We live for those aha moments in their eyes! We want to establish a relationship with every student, to understand the unique learning style of every student, to provide a dynamic learning environment, and conference with parents on their child’s learning!

“Where your talents and the needs of the world cross; there lies your vocation.”

Aristotle

Teachers have hundreds of children besides our own. We taught you. We taught your parents. We taught your doctor. We taught your boss. We taught your minister, lawyer, home builder, electrician, plumber, bridge builder, ditch digger, restaurant owner, mayor, governor, and even your President. We want to teach your children too.

You’ve heard it said, there’s no such thing as a free lunch. Well, there’s no such thing as a free education either. And in the immortal words of Glennon Doyle, “there is no such thing as other people’s children.”*

Anything worth doing, costs something—your time, your money, your attention, your support. As a society, we need to stop saying “the teachers can do that since the kids are already at school” and start saying, “what can we do to give teachers more time in the classroom to develop our students’ minds?”

Love Y’all, Marla

*Among her many talents, Glennon Doyle is creator of the blog Momastery and co-founder of The Compassion Collective.